Clarity
by evanescentflame421
Summary: Riven thinks about his relationship with Musa. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to leave her. Inspired by the song "Clarity".


**_A/N: SEASON 6 SPOILERS IN NEXT PARAGRAPH_**

 ** _So I just want to say I don't even know what I'm doing right now. Here's what happened: My friend started watching Winx Club again and so I started watching MusaxRiven vids. Then I saw that Musa and Riven had broken up in season 6. So I watched the episode and I have been grieving ever since._**

 ** _I've been reading fanfics ever since, and I started watching the show again from the beginning, but I felt the need to write something. So you get this._**

 ** _I was inspired by the song "Clarity" (the Sam Tsui cover on YouTube is what I was listening to when I was writing it)._**

 ** _I kinda just pounded this out, so I hope it doesn't completely suck._**

 ** _Anyway, enjoy! I have to go cry. Again._**

* * *

Clarity

He had been tossing and turning again, unable to sleep. He had only been gone about a month, and he had hoped this feeling would subside. However, as he lied there staring at absolutely nothing, he started to realize this feeling would never go away.

He had been thinking about her again. He had been thinking about her every day since he left.

Musa.

He was right to leave her behind. Right? They had agreed it was best for the both of them.

He had to do it for himself. He needed to grow into the man that he was meant to be. He couldn't do that at Red Fountain. Not with the same people he had spent the past few years with. Not doing the same thing over and over again. The truth was that there were so many of them, there always seemed to be some sort of excess in their battles. The girls had grown so much that they rarely needed the Specialists anymore. Did they help? Of course. But if it came down to it, could the girls do it without them?

Of course.

How was he supposed to grow and become better when there was no real challenge anymore? There was nothing to push him anymore. He needed exposure to something new.

Still, he had his doubts. Was leaving really the right thing to do?

He wasn't sure anymore, because leaving meant leaving Musa behind. Just thinking about it now caused an aching feeling in his chest.

It was funny wasn't it? That he, Riven, would be affected so deeply by anything. He loved Musa. He knew that. But to think that she had such an impact on him was funny.

Especially since he also left for her. He wanted to become better for her. He wanted to deserve her. If he were perfectly honest, he had never really deserved her. He did have some really good points in their relationship, but overall he hadn't been the boyfriend that she needed or deserved.

No matter what, he would never truly forgive himself for falling for Darcy. He knew he had been put under a spell, but that wasn't a good enough excuse for him. He should have been stronger. He shouldn't have been so angry that day. Or so angry all the time. It was for that reason that the Trix even considered using him. He was an easy target because he was too competitive and felt such disdain for his friends.

And after that it took him a long time to make a real move. During the battle for Alfea he blurted out that he liked Musa then walked away. Then they kept in contact but their relationship hadn't been established. She had been so unsure about them at that point in time. He found out later that she spent a lot of time crying about it too. He felt so horrible for doing that to her.

Then once they did become more serious, they always fought. About what he did, about what he hadn't done.

He couldn't even really be upset about being angry either. It wasn't like she was trying to change him and mold him into Brandon, she just needed to know that he cared about her. For the longest time it was hard for him to even do that, but she stuck it out with him anyway.

It was always hard for him to understand why exactly she put up with him anyway. She had options. Jared wasn't the only guy who had ever expressed an interest in her at Red Fountain. And Andy definitely wasn't the only Earth guy whose attention she captured. Despite the affection of others she always came back to him.

And he got attention from other girls, but he hardly noticed them. No one could ever compare to Musa. No one in Magix, no other fairies, no witches, no Earth girls, and not her friends.

It was funny, none of her friends understood why she stayed throughout the years. Truthfully, he didn't think his friends really understood it either. That was because none of them really understood him. All they saw at the beginning was a cold, detached Riven with anger issues. He couldn't really blame him because that's who he was when they first met.

He thought back to what he said to her before he left. " _You always got me, Musa."_

Right from the start, she had faith in him. She knew that there was more to him than a tough exterior and bad boy demeanor. Musa knew that he had been damaged and the way he acted was because he was trying to repair the damage that had been done, while at the same time trying to keep from getting hurt any more.

He actually hadn't realized that until he met Musa. He simply acted, he never thought about the why. He just knew he was Riven and needed to do what he had to in order to get by. He never really thought about the walls he put up until he realized how hard it had been to give Musa what she needed. When he met her, he wanted nothing more than to tear them down so they worked on it together. Despite what anyone else thought. She touched him so completely and everything slowly began to heal.

There had been so many times when he just wanted to give up. He thought he would never be able to be the person Musa needed him to be. But she never really believed that. She always kept pushing him. It was annoying. But he was so grateful for it. For the first time in his life he had someone who refused to quit on him. No matter what, she waited or she wore him down.

Love had always been hard for him. For the longest time he found it pointless and thought it made a person weak, so for the longest time the idea that Musa could love him enough to keep fighting the way she did was unfathomable to him. Why would she put in the effort? Why would she make herself so vulnerable?

For Musa to fall in love with someone who had no idea about what love was about was tragic. The way he treated her for the first couple of years was tragic.

He used to think Musa was crazy. Crazy to stay. Crazy to willingly love him. But no matter what he put her through, she had insisted that it was worth it in the end to have him.

It wasn't until later in their relationship that he realized she couldn't control the fact that she loved him. Because one day he realized that he loved her. He hadn't decided to fall in love. In fact, he hadn't been ready to love her. But ready or not, it had happened. He thought he loved her for a long time it just took a while to realize it.

Realizing he loved her didn't change his behavior much. He wasn't able to change overnight. He did change though. It was years later and they were light-years from where they had started, and he was a different man.

Now, after a month of being without her, he realized why Musa stayed with him for so long. He had always been a bit behind in the romance department, but now he thought he finally caught up. That aching, empty feeling he felt was because he needed her.

Musa had become a fundamental part of who he was. She had shaped him in ways he never expected anyone to. The fact that he thought he could leave her behind was ridiculous to him now. He knew he had to become a better man. Musa helped him see that. But he didn't need to be away from her to do that.

For the last month he felt like he'd been walking around in a haze. The only moments of clarity he had were when he thought of her.

Nothing he could ever do out here would ever compare to what he could do and who he could be when he was with her.

He knew their relationship wasn't perfect, but they were supposed to be together.

Musa knew it right from the start. That was just who she was. She was always knew their songs were in harmony.

He wasn't lucky enough to know it or believe it. Not at first. But now he had no doubt. She always helped him get rid of his doubts.

 _If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?_


End file.
